I tried to email the editor working with my manuscript yesterday. I emailed her because it’s been nearly three months since I heard word on anything, and I say tried because the email bounced back to me. Ruh-O.

So I called the office to see what exactly is going on. Turns out, the editor had left the company and I was talking to her replacement, who just started on Monday. I inquired about the status of my manuscript, and she tells me she doesn’t know. It’s in a box full of manuscripts and it will take time to get to it.

What she is telling me is the repertoire I’d been building with an editor for a year has been erased, and that I need to start over. She may or may not see the same thing the previous editor saw, and like always, I need to wait.

Fucksticks slathered in shit marinade.

This means I will, of course, wait. After all, my manuscript is directly in the hands of a publisher. This is huge. No matter how infuriating. And it is also PENGUIN. You know? As in, “if we pick up your book it will be sold in every bookstore in America” Penguin. So yes, I will wait.

But I’m also tired of playing by the rules. I’ve held off submitting to agents for over a year now because I was working directly with publishers and didn’t want to complicate anything. Now, though, I need to reexamine my options.

i.e. take whatever door opens.


I’m not going to sit around and wait to see what happens with this publisher. If it goes through, then great. If they get mad because I’ve been shopping it around…Too bad. They should have notified me it’s been sitting in a box somewhere in Manhattan.

Motherfucking penguins, man.

Every year, the lull that takes place between the end of one basketball season and the start of the next is heart wrenchingly slow. It’s weird that at the height of summer, when people are their most active and sports should be at their apex, there’s nothing on except baseball. As for those two…baseball is perhaps the most boring thing America has ever concocted. When I go to Dodgers games, I spend more time playing bleacher volleyball with the 99 cent store beach ball then I do watching the actual game I paid American dollars to see. That is boring.

Oh well, at least there’s next season to look forward to, and that’s a good thing for two very distinct reasons.


1.    !!!!!CrazyPills is coming to LA!!!!!

Is it considered blasphemy that I prayed for this to happen? Because I did. Hands down, Ron Artest is one of my favorite players in the league. While I like watching other players for what they do on the court, I prefer Artest for what he does, and says, off the court.

Some people might think it's delusional trying to get a part-time job at Circuit City so you can get the employee discount during the summer you’re about to get drafted into the NBA. I say it’s blue collar.

Some people might think breaking Michael Jordan’s ribs in a pick up game is taking it too far. I say that’s bringing it.

Some people say that charging into the stands to cold cock a fan who threw a bottle of Evian at you is taking it too…Okay…that IS taking it too far.

None of this negates the stellar degree of intimidation and potential madness that Ronron now brings to the Lakers. They’ve been known as a soft team in the past. All that is gone now that they have the most likely player to bite someone’s nose off in a shouting match. (You’d have to think that would be a flagrant II.)

More importantly, though, and this is why I think it’s an awesome signing, we now get to see Kobe and Artest interact for over 82 games. Who knows what can happen in that time? Maybe they’ll get along. Maybe they won’t. Maybe Ron will snap and piledrive Kobe through the announcer’s table. Maybe Sasha will grow enamored of the team’s new addition and scrawl “TruWarrior” into the side of his head. Any and all of this possible. I can’t wait.



2.    Kentucky basketball is back.

Unless you’re from the state, you have no idea what this means. Big Blue Nation is arguably the most rabid fanbase of any team in any sport in the entire country. Maybe the entire world. I have no doubts that if it came down to a fight between UK fans and soccer hooligans from the UK (See what I did there? Don’t get confused.), we would more than likely win because this is, after all, Kentucky we’re talking about….And we have guns. Lots of them.

But aside from that, we really are back this next season. Coach John Calipari is on at least half the commercials on ESPN this month, so we have the exposure again. Oh…and we also happen to have the #1 recruiting class in the country with the consensus #1 player in the country. Not only is it the best class this year, it might even be the best ever. That remains to be seen, and the jury is still out on whether or not we can compete for the National Championship with such a young roster…but seriously...have you seen John Wall play? Kid is hellarifically quick. And he’s ambidextrous. Which means he will be routinely posterizing chumps next year with both hands well above the rim.



Me thinks we’ll have more celebrity admirers next year than just Ashley Judd.